I don’t know who you are, and you don’t know who I am. That much is clear. What is also fairly clear is that you have convinced yourself that you can make a bundle of money by sending unsolicited email to thousands of potential clients or customers, using lists that you have purchased or learned how to obtain. Let me say right away that the service or product you are offering is of no interest to me. Therefore, please remove me from your mailing list immediately.
The second thing I have to say might be a little more difficult for you to hear. I think it is unethical and counter-productive of you to try to grow a business in the way you have gone about it. I ask you to please cease and desist from attempting to make business contacts with this sort of sales technique. My reasons follow below.
First of all, you’re a sucker. You’ve probably paid someone to teach you a technique for trolling the internet, not realizing that hundreds of small-time entrepreneurs like you are already peddling low interest rates, information gathering, weight reduction, snore cures, super vitamins, sex aids, pornography, and dozens of other quick fixes to potential consumers. The ads are painfully similar in wording and in approach. We scanners of our email are already immune to their appeal. You’re too late. The gold rush is over. We delete them as fast as they come in. But meanwhile, you’re stealing our valuable time and energy and getting nothing back but our frustration and annoyance.
Secondly, some of your business colleagues (maybe not you but many of those with whom you stand cyber elbow to cyber elbow trying to get my attention) are in violation of FCC rules. They claim that a request for removal from a particular list is easily accepted and processed, but in at least half the tries I’ve made, my “please remove” reply bounced right back. Consequently, I don’t even bother to reply any more. I simply delete the email without even opening it. From the title and the return address, it’s easy to recognize the scam for what it is. Besides the fraudulent claims, such an intrusion amounts to a violation of privacy and is thus a breach of a constitutionally protected right. Moreover, many people pay for their internet time. You are costing them money even if they never buy your product.
Thirdly, if you look into your heart, you will see that you are participating in a “get-rich-quick” scheme and that you yourself are only an unwitting pawn or small fish in someone else’s clever game. Ask yourself, would this commercial offer I am making profit humanity? Will anyone who pays for it benefit personally and get as much in value as she or he must invest to obtain it? Are there hidden strings, tricks, or traps that the buyer will remain ignorant of for awhile but which will prompt deep regret on his or her part when they are activated? Will some resentment flow back to me as the provider? Will my customers think of themselves as having been duped or swindled? Will they recommend my product or services to anyone they care for? Would I respond favorably to any such ad myself? Or would I see right through it? Am I prepared to undo the damage I have caused or compensate those who come to me or to the courts with a legitimate grievance? Do I practice full disclosure? Do I exploit people? Do I pander to their weaknesses, to their neuroses? Do I really help anyone? Finally, even if what I am doing is technically legal (for the present), is it right? Am I really looking out for anyone but myself? Is there something better I could be doing with my time?
Think it over, my friend. I’m sure your enterprising spirit could be better employed.
Sincerely yours,
Reuven Goldfarb,
like you, a victim of quacks, dupes, and frauds
Note: I sent this letter to Carol Granta, who was at that time involved in an anti-spam campaign, in the hope that she and her staff could glean some ideas from it. The document might have ended up on a web site somewhere, but, if so, I haven’t discovered it on-line yet. – RG
